PotC2 Dead Man’s Chest: The Goofy Musical!
by lateBloomer04
Summary: Complete with new epilogue, Welcome to Tortuga. Will's a pirate for real, Lord Beckett welcomes you to the EITC, Jack be 'SAILIN' DIRTY, Elizabeth is an 'Adventurous Girl'.
1. Irate to Pirate!

Disclaimer: Will is _all_ mine. Oh wait, nevermind…I had to settle that suit. I actually own nothing, PotC _and _Hercules belong to Disney.

_PotC2 Dead Man's Chest: The Goofy Musical!_ Yes, I know it's been done before. But who cares? I don't, I'm having fun here. If you do care, then don't read it!

'Irate to Pirate' is sung to the tune of 'Zero to Hero', from Disney's Hercules

A/N: It works best if you imagine the new words along with the tune of the song while reading. I wrote this when I was extremely hyper because I'd just discovered my city was having a midnight showing of DMC. Needless to say, this may be a tad goofy… It would've been up sooner but this site was being annoying and not letting me post. This is all Jack Sparrow's doing! Jack: -shrugs innocently- 'Who me?'

Ch. 1: Irate to Pirate

Tia Dalma: -gospel voice- Bless my soul, Will was on a roll.

Elizabeth: Pirate of the year along with Cap'n Jack Sparrow!

Gov. Swann: -claps hands in excitement- What a pro!

Lord Beckett: -bewigged- Will puts on a show.

Davy Jones: -undead- Point him at the Kraken and he kills that ugly foe!

Norrington: -wigless- He was so _irate_!

Jack: -rolls eyes- In de-ni-al!

All: Now he's a _pirate_.

Elizabeth: -confirms- He's a pirate!

Jack: -swaggers- Here was this whelp with his act down pat!

All: From irate to pirate in no time flat.

Elizabeth: Irate to pirate just like that! -winks-

Tia Dalma: When he smiled, authors went wild with…

Girls: -swoon- Oohs and Ahhs!

Authors: And they shipped dear Will with every OC

Will/Liz shippers: -glare- With only Liz!

All: Besides the booty, and the loot…

Elizbaeth: -smirks- My Will had rum to burn!

Jack: (Hey!)

Norrington: -bored- And now that he's a pi-rate…

Barbossa: -wants apple- He could tell you 'bout the Code he's learned!

Tia Dalma: Say amen, there he goes again!

Elizabeth: -dreamy sigh- Undefeated swordsman, yes he always has to win!

Pintel: Folks lined up just to watch him flex…

Ragetti: -giggles- And his perfect package packed a pair of pretty pecs…ow!

Elizabeth: William, he comes…

Lord Beckett: -disgusted- He sees, he conquers!

Tia Dalma: -scared- Sparrow, the crowds are…

Jack: -drunk- Going bonkers!

Barbossa: -scowls- He has the Turner blood, and spunk.

Norrington: -squeamish- From irate to pirate, a major hunk!

Jack: -ponders- Irate to pirate and who'da thunk?

Bootstrap: (raises hand)

-Interlude-

Tia Dalma: Who put the swash i-in swash-buck-ler?

All: Will Tur-ner!

Lord Beckett: -pained- Whose swordfight skills are great the-at-er?

All: Will Tur-ner!

Gov. Swann: -confused- Is he bold?

Elizabeth: -grins- No one braver!

Tia Dalma: Is he sweet?

Cannibals: Our fav'rite flavor!

Will: (Hides)

All: Will Tur-ner, Will Tur-ner, Will Tur-ner, Will Tur-ner...

Tia Dalma: -groovin'- Bless my soul, Will was on a roll

Will: -ecstatic- Undefeated!

Jack: E' never lies…

Norrington: -pissed- And the _nicest_ guy.

Will: Not a eunuch!

Bootstrap: He was so irate…

Jack: Just a blacksmith!

All: Now he's a pirate

Elizabeth: -giggles girlishly- He's my pirate!

Jack: -cringes- He sails my _Pearl_ at breakneck speed!

Norrington: -fed up- From irate to pirate…

Elizabeth: -smiles happily- Will is a pirate…

Bootstrap: -proud- Now he's a pirate!

Will: -smirks- Yes indeed!

End Ch. 1

More goofiness will ensue if I have enough interest…perhaps a song about Jack next! I am open to suggestions, as long as they are silly.


	2. We Just Have to Take our Clothes Off!

A/N: And so the Goofy Musical continues…notice the rating has moved from K to T. Thanks to all my reviewers – love ya! "He's a Tramp" was a really good suggestion, I'm just not familiar with the song, sorry! Hope this one will suffice.

Scene Two:

Davy Jones: "Arrr, we already had a song about Will, me be next!"

(Words coincide with the Kraken organ theme on the PotC2 soundtrack, track 02)

Davy: -sings- Davy Jones…he speaks in evil tones!

He eats at Smokey Bones

It is your soul he owns… (points at Jack)

All: "Boo!" –Davy stomps off stage, wanting to find the Kraken, who gives him self-esteem lessons-

Elizabeth: -annoyed- "Captain Sparrow! Why are you staring at me?"

Jack: -smug- "Elizabeth, those clothes do not flatter you at all; it should be a dress or nothing." –waggles eyebrows- "I happen to have no dress in my cabin…" He prepares to sing.

Elizabeth: "But Jack, wait! Didn't you know that Will and I just got…" But the music starts, cutting her off.

'We Just Have to Take our Clothes Off', is sung to the tune of 'We Don't Have to Take Our Clothes Off', by Jermaine Stewart (It's an '80s song)

Jack: -sung in a flirtatious manner-

Ditch the whelp… if you want me  
Captain Sparrow wants you dressed ever so…scantily**  
**Will Turner…he's not your type  
You need _me_ to teach you how exactly to swordfight!  
Between us, you know I've won

You need a real man to show you

…show you how it's done!

Take my hand, let's hit the deck  
When escaping from the Navy  
Know I'll save your neck!

Jack: -chorus- So come on Lizzie, won't you show some ass

Why you gotta move like that? -swishes his hips in an overtly feminine manner-

Gov Swann: -interjects- "Elizabeth, is that entirely proper?"

Elizabeth: -tries not to laugh-

Jack: -eyes Elizabeth suggestively- We just _have_ to take our clothes off!

To have a good time, oh yeah!

We can loot and pilfer all night

And drink some island rum, uh huh!

We just _have_ to take our clothes off

To have a good time, oh yeah!

We can stay up in my cabin all night

And sing the pirate song, uh huh!

Na-na, na-na-na-na, na-na  
Na-na, na-na-na-na, na-na

Jack: -sings happily- Love the _Pearl_ if you want me  
Captain Sparrow knows you'd enjoy living… on the sea!  
I've got needs  
Just like you  
Give me freedom, booty, and my ru-um through and through..

-chorus-

So come on Lizzie, won't you show some ass

Why you gotta move like that? -notices Elizabeth glaring angrily at him, her hands on her hips-

We just _have_ to take our clothes off

To have a good time, oh yeah!

We can loot and pilfer all night

And drink some island rum, uh huh!

We just _have_ to take our clothes off

To have a good time, oh yeah!

We can stay up in my cabin all night

And sing the pirate song, uh huh!

Na-na, na-na-na-na, na-na  
Na-na, na-na-na-na, na-na  
Na-na, na-na-na-na, na-na  
Na-na, na-na-na-na, na-na

Norrington: -leaps on stage- So come on Ja-ack  
Won't you show some ass  
Why you gotta move like that? -imitates Jack's crazy walk-

Everyone including Jack: -scared- (Norrington dragged off-stage)

Will: -appears out of nowhere- So come on Lizzie, won't you come with me…

-angry- Jack, you'd better run from me! (Will brandishes sword, Jack gulps)

Will and Elizabeth: We just _have_ to take our clothes off

Since it's our wedding night, oh yes

We can loot and pilfer all night

And drink some island rum, uh huh!

We just _have_ to take our clothes off

Since it's our wedding night, oh yes

We can stay up in our bed all night

And sing the pirate song, uh huh!

Na-na, na-na-na-na, na-na  
Na-na, na-na-na-na, na-na  
Na-na, na-na-na-na, na-na  
Na-na, na-na-na-na, na-na

(Will and Liz walk off-stage holding hands, Jack tries hard not to vomit.)

Lord Beckett: -consolingly- "It's alright, Captain Sparrow. I've got a song that is sure to make you feel better!

Jack: -mutters under his breath- "I can hardly wait."

End Ch. 2


	3. Welcome to the EITC!

Disclaimer: Still don't own PotC, or Will for that matter. -bummed-

A/N: This is the only fic in which I allow improper grammar! Because it fits, you can't have a rap song w/out bad grammar! It's like Jack w/out his rum, Gov. Swann w/out his wig, Will w/out Liz...etc. Also, there is a language warning on this one.

Scene Three:

(Beckett takes the stage, and Jack prepares to hold his ears)

"Welcome to the E.I.T.C" is sung/rapped to the tune of "Welcome to Detroit City" by Eminem.

(Loud music starts)

Beckett: -shouts- "Lord Beckett, featuring James Norrington!"

Lord Beckett: -sings-

Where's my soldiers and navy chums?  
Blast them cannons and show me love  
Welcome to the E.I.T.C.!

I said, welcome to the E.I.T.C.

Gov. Swann: whispers- "What's the E.I.T.C.?"

Jack: -scared- "The East India Trading Company - they're the only ones that ever came close to catching me!"

Beckett: -gangsta-

Every place everywhere we go  
Man, we hunt pirates as we roll  
Ask the navy - they all know Beckett  
Ask whats good, then they all say Beckett!

(Verse 1 - Lord Beckett)

Click click boom, just as soon as we hit the room  
You can hear 'em holla Cutthroat Squad in this bitch  
Let me hear you holla Cutthroat Squad in this bitch  
Let me hear you holla Tortuga in this bitch  
So who am I gonna call on when my navy boys ain't with me?  
And the situation gets a little sticky

Jack: -flings ale on Beckett-

Beckett: -appalled, continues rapping-

I'ma call on Norrie, like a mo-fin' pirate, f that, bla bla  
I'ma call that Com'dore from da navy  
Quick come pick me up, bring them guns  
Come to the tavern, meet me out front  
There's some knave up in Tortuga  
Chuggin' some rum cause he's drunk

Jack: -innocent look-

Beckett: -evil-

And we may have to brand his arm up  
Cause uh somethin' smells a like pirate  
And I don't like the way his crew keep lookin' at me  
So homie come get me! Shut up boys what up though I see you  
Jack Sparrow, yea I see you, all my Navy people  
Where you at, man? Let me see them hands clapped in irons  
We be pirate hunters, we on fire!

Jack -hurls flaming PotC2 skull of doom at Beckett, who ducks-

(Chorus - Lord Beckett)

-really getting into it now-

Where's my soldiers and navy chums?  
Blast them cannons and show me love  
Welcome to the E.I.T.C.!

I said, welcome to the E.I.T.C.  
Every place, everywhere we go  
Man, we hunt pirates as we roll  
Ask da navy - they all know Beckett  
Ask whats good then they all say Beckett!

(Norrington takes the mike)

Jack: -hides behind Gov. Swann as Norrington takes the stage, remembering said Commodore's suggestive comments in Scene Two-

(Verse 2 - Norrie)

-scruffy-looking-

Homie its been a long time comin' and I'm straight with that  
Cutler called me ruthless and laid the path  
This the beat you hear it bangin', he produced it himself  
My bad almost forgot to introduce the Lord  
His name is Cutler, head of the Cutthroat Squad

Beckett: -smug, points to self-

Norrie: -continues rapping-

He's bad-ass, been huntin' those pirates since 1695 we bangin'  
Elected to be the villain, and certified a menace  
Holdin' it down since I be MIA, chucked outta da navy  
You heard about him, you just didn't know it was him  
All the treacherous, evil deeds of the navy you ever see yeah that was him  
Pickin' Sparrow up in the game, he just wasn't chasin' the fame  
He been chasin' the pirate menace and givin' them the pain!  
East India Trading Comp'ny, you know you rich he be  
He makes a million pounds, this ain't no tea party!  
And my boy holdin' me up, Cutler done put it out  
Beckett and Norrington, da navy in the house

Jack: -was scared, now is terrified-

(Chorus - Lord Beckett)  
Where's my soldiers and navy chums?  
Blast them cannons and show me love  
Welcome to the E.I.T.C.!

I said, welcome to the E.I.T.C.  
Every place, everywhere we go  
Man, we hunt pirates as we roll  
Ask da navy - they all know Beckett  
Ask whats good then they all say Beckett!

(Verse 3 - Lord Beckett)  
Ayo James, you ever need one of these ships come get it  
From now on every pirate that you catch homie I'm in it  
I been sailin' for Tortuga, whether wrong or right  
I been whippin' them sinful pirates for the longest time  
So its evident, its time for Cutler to get it fast  
The public, see they appreciate my E.I.T.C. past  
Pirates did attack me but they can't stop this gig  
Got a fan base thats bigger than my fluffy white wig!

Jack: -giggles-

Beckett -glare-

Jack: -shuts up-

Beckett: -continues-

My ship be speedin', she be called da Endeavour Yeah I come from the navy - we all hunt pirates forever!  
I ain't sayin' the shit that I'm sayin' so girls can feel me  
Only speakin' on what I know so the world can hear me  
So peace to the King for signin' my boy Nor,  
He come back to da navy and started a pirate war  
So my soldiers and chums, we embrace the love  
And beat the hell outta anyone that fs with us!

(Chorus - Lord Beckett)  
Where my soldiers and navy chums?  
Blast them cannons and show me love  
Welcome to the E.I.T.C.!

I said, welcome to the E.I.T.C.  
Every place, everywhere we go  
Man, we hunt pirates as we roll  
Ask the navy - they all know Beckett  
Ask whats good then they all say Beckett!

Outro Norrie

-thuggish-  
Yeah! Cutler.  
Norrington, Lord Beckett...da Navy  
It's goin down baby  
Ayo Beck I got your back my homie  
Damn right I said my homie  
That's my homie...  
Cutler!

(song ends, Norrie and Cutler take a bow)

During the intermission, the trance music from the PotC2 soundtrack (12) plays.

Jack: "Where did you get that?"

Norrie: "On your feet!"

(3 minutes into the song, Gov. Swann gets up and starts doing the robot. He falls and breaks his ankle, but no one notices since the only two people who really care about him -Will and Liz- are still on their honeymoon.)

Jack: -ignores Weatherby and prepares a rebuttal song-

He hums under his breath, "Tryin' to catch me sailin' dirty..."

End ch: 3

What do you think about Jack's next song? Yay or nay?


	4. SAILIN' DIRTY!

Disclaimer: PotC is not mine! It's Ted and Terry's baby (I love those guys! They are my homies!)

A/N: Major DMC spoilers, ye be warned...

Ch. 4: Sailin' Dirty!

Jack: -saunters on stage, grabs mike-

(Will and Elizabeth return from their honeymoon to see Jack begin his performance)

"Sailin' Dirty" is sung to the tune of "Ridin' Dirty" by Chamillionaire

-music starts-

Jack: -thuggish-

They see me _Black Pearl_  
They hatin'  
Patrollin' and trying to catch me sailin' dirty  
tryin' ta catch me sailin' dirty tryin' ta catch me sailin' dirty tryin' ta catch me lootin' booty  
tryin' ta catch me sailin' dirty My garb is so loud!

Norrington: -chokes, disgusted-

Jack: I'm Captain!  
They hopin' that they gonna catch me sailin' dirty  
tryin' ta catch me sailin' dirty tryin' ta catch me sailin' dirty tryin' ta catch me lootin' booty  
tryin' ta catch me sailin' dirty

Jack:  
Navy sees me _Pearl_  
Black so it ain't easy to be seen  
Beckett sees me sail by  
He can see the gleam  
And my shine on the deck and the beams  
Sailing with her forever, she will hold up  
Next to the sunken _Interceptor_!

There be one bullet in my pistola  
I be aimin' right for Barbossa  
Liz you know I ain't stupid unlike the whelp  
Just trying to flirt ain't trying to steal you, baby  
Dock now in Tortuga, I pull in the ladies  
Navy on patrol - yeah, you know they hate me  
My charm turned all the way up and to the maximum  
I gots booty, me crew try to 'jack' for some  
But I packing something from Tia, my compass, um...  
Will have a pirate locked up in the maximum  
Turkish Prison cell  
I'm freakin' oh  
Norrie's drunk and I'm layin' low  
Sword ready, Liz can take this foe  
Mercer shows up in the shadows, let's end this, yo  
Got some souls, gotta stop Davy Jones  
See me deceive  
Liz'beth be like, "Where be Will's bones?"

That be pirate skillz - I lie through me teeth  
Got to almost kiss her, lots o' tension an' heat  
Yet I must stay free...

Jack: They see me _Black Pearl_  
They hatin'  
Patrollin' and trying to catch me sailin' dirty  
tryin' ta catch me sailin' dirty tryin' ta catch me sailin' dirty tryin' ta catch me lootin' booty  
tryin' ta catch me sailin' dirty  
My garb is so loud!

Beckett: "Ew!" -thinks wigs are better than dreads-

Jack: I'm Captain!  
They hopin' that they gonna catch me sailin' dirty  
tryin' ta catch me sailin' dirty tryin' ta catch me sailin' dirty tryin' ta catch me lootin' booty  
tryin' ta catch me sailin' dirty

Gibbs: -plunders mike from Jack-  
I been drinkin all the time, holy shit!  
And I really can't focus  
We got to find land befo' Davy Jones catch us  
Captian o' the _Dutchman_, yeah 'e controls the Kraken, man  
Jack sent Will ta settle his debt, his leverage again  
He sins again - we in to win!  
Defend the crew wit' me powder and shot  
Don't want the Black Spot!  
We living like we ain't givin a (beep!)  
Jack signed Norrie into the crew, outta da muck  
He 'elped that drunk  
Noble thing ta do, for a pirate and all

Will: -raises eyebrows-

Gibbs: -piratey-

Commin' Willie T? Me and da crew  
Yo ho, got to hit the rum bottle  
Wondering about how Jack got Davy's heart  
Oh yeah, 'he got the key  
Watch out, E.I.T.C.! _(East India Trading Company)_  
Hope Beckett don't find us, on the open sea  
With no regard for the law, we dodge em like (bleep!) em all  
But I won't be caught up and brought up on charges for none of ya'll  
Keep a gun in hand  
And a sword to spare  
In da navy before,  
Now I'm a pirate, dawg  
Ready or not we bust shots off in the air, oh  
Mister Gibbs and Cap'n Sparrow!

Jack: -steals mike from Gibbs-

They see me _Black Pearl_  
They hatin'  
Patrollin' and tryin' ta catch me sailin' dirty!  
tryin' ta catch me sailin' dirty tryin' ta catch me sailin' dirty tryin' ta catch me lootin' booty  
tryin' ta catch me sailin' dirty  
My garb is so loud!

Gov Swann: -thinks Jack needs grammatical lessons-

Jack: I'm Captain!  
They hopin' that they gonna catch me sailin' dirty  
tryin' ta catch me sailin' dirty tryin' ta catch me sailin' dirty tryin' ta catch me lootin' booty  
tryin' ta catch me sailin' dirty

Jack: -gangsta-

I know whatcha thinkin so  
I try to let it go  
Yeah I was quite the fool  
Accordin' ta Jones, 'life is cruel'  
Gotta escape him an' the Navy  
Yeah they worse than Davy  
Think they holdin' me with shackles and the pirate brand  
But I'ma hardcore pirate - just look at me hand  
Look behind me, hey look - they smilin'  
Thinkin they'll reel me in with those letters of marque  
Cutler be denyin' that I gave _him _a mark!

Beckett: -meep!-

Jack: E.I.T.C. - You can kiss my ass!

-slaps his booty-

Will: -weirded out- "ummm..."

Liz: "yum!"

Jack: Pull me over, yeah you gonna get slapped  
Me jar of dirt, gotta hide the heart  
Cause James Norrington, he'll try to outsmart  
And being the pirate that I am  
I talk to him  
Giving a damn about him  
Not feeling my additudes  
And when he realize  
That I ain't even sailin' dirty  
Norrie be leaving in with an even madder mood  
And I'm a laugh at you  
And then I have to cruise  
You a number two on some old navy crew  
You can't arrest me, you smelly foo' !  
This is a message to Lord Beckett  
Tell 'im "I hate you"  
I can't be touched  
And tell him 'e shoulda known  
Tippin over, I'm walkin' crooked on me ship  
Hangin at the tavern findin' a chick I wanna bone  
Beckett couldn't stop me I'm about to pull up on his home  
And it's on...

Jack: They see me _Black Pearl_  
They hatin'  
Patrollin' and tryin' ta catch me sailin' dirty!  
tryin' ta catch me sailin' dirty tryin' ta catch me sailin' dirty tryin' ta catch me lootin' booty  
tryin' ta catch me sailin' dirty  
My garb is so loud!

Barbossa: -chuckles-

Jack: -points to self- I'm Captain!  
They hopin' that they gonna catch me sailin' dirty  
tryin' ta catch me sailin' dirty tryin' ta catch me sailin' dirty tryin' ta catch me lootin' booty  
tryin' ta catch me sailin' dirty…

(song fades)

Jack: -takes a bow, grinning smugly and eyeing Liz suggestively-

Liz: -claps enthusiastically-

Will and Norrie: -jealous-

Lord Beckett: -bolts from room, scared out of his mind at what he just witnessed-

Will: -recovers- "We need to show 'em how it's really done! Right, Liz?"

Liz: -still oggling Jack- "Sure uh huh, Will...what song do you have in mind?"

Will: -smirks- "Adventurous Girl."

End Ch. 4

Reviews please! (This one was extra difficult to write) Get ready for the PotC Will/Liz version of "Promiscuous Girl"!


	5. Adventurous Girl

Disclaimer: PotC is not mine! It's Ted and Terry's baby (I love those guys! They're my homies!)

A/N: Major DMC spoilers! I know that Will and Elizabeth's wedding was 'postponed' in DMC, but in my Goofy Musical version, Lord Beckett never interrupted the wedding! They were married and none of that nonsense with Jack and Elizabeth ever happened! (Hey, a girl can dream, can't she?) Of course, Jack still thinks Elizabeth is one hot lady... Strong T rating for lots of innuendo (It is a hard T, the way the movie is a hard PG-13) And yes, bad grammar runs rampant in this one.

(Will and Elizabeth take the stage, quietly arguing over -what else- Jack Sparrow.)

Will: "It seems to me that of late, Jack has been acting flirty... ER towards you. And you've been egging him on."

Liz: -shrilly- "Don't be ridiculous!"

(Music starts)

"Adventurous Girl", sung to the tune of "Promiscuous Girl" by Nelly Furtado

Liz: "Ready for our lesson?"  
Will: -grins- "Always."

(both unsheath swords, ready to playfight)

Liz: -smirks- "I thought so."

Will: -baritone voice-

How you doin' Missus Turner  
I'm warnin' you, Sparrow sees you just as the rum-burner  
You don't have ta explain the inside joke  
I was at a loss of words first time that we spoke

(They cross swords, and share a knowing smile, remembering the fateful day Elizabeth saved Will from drowining when they were twelve.)

Liz: If you looking for a girl that'll treat you right  
If you lookin', look no further - yeah I'll be your light

Will: You are just my type, yeah I played my cards right  
I'll find out by the end of the night

-winks suggestively-

Liz: You expect me to just let you in  
But will you still respect me if I let you in?

(Swords clang as they fight around the stage)

Will: All I can do is try, give me one chance  
What's the problem? I can see my ring on your hand

Will: -winks- I be the first to admit it, I'm fortunate to know, you're not so innocent

Liz: You wanna get in my world, get lost in it?

Will: -smiles and nods-

Liz: Boy I'm tired of fightin', lets rest for a minute

-Chorus-  
Will: Adventurous Girl  
We're husband and wife  
I'm your pirate  
And you're my only love

Liz: -teasingly- Adventurous Boy  
You already know  
That I'm all yours  
What 'choo waiting for?

Will: -pleading- Adventurous Girl  
You teasin' me  
You know what I want  
And I got what you need!

Jack: -mutters- "I beg to differ..."

Will and Liz: -continue, ignoring Jack's comment-

Liz: Adventurous Boy  
Let's get to the _point_

(Picks up sword, aims it at Will)  
Cause we on a roll  
You ready?

(Will and Liz resume their fighting stance)

Liz: Soldiers wear red  
Norrington is blue

Norrington: -sobs loudly, still distraught about leaving the Navy-

Liz: Chivalry is dead  
But not with you!

Will: -gorgeous smile-

Thanks. I can't keep my mind off you  
You're my girl, do you know that I love you?

Liz: Not a simple-minded girl, I'm full of emotions  
Get you on my level, then our love'll span oceans!

(They parry, continue swordfighting across the stage)

Will: -piratey-

They call me William  
last name Turner  
Recognize your moods  
I'm a real fast learner

(Out of breath, they sheath their swords)

Liz: -caresses Will's sword-

I'm a big girl I can handle myself  
But if I get lonely I'ma need your help

Pay attention to me, make me writhe and yelp

Will: -hungry gaze- I want you in my bed.  
Liz: -grins- So does everybody else.

Will: Lizzie, we can keep it on the low  
What you thinkin'? Ain't nobody gotta know  
I have seen how you look, how you gaze at Jack

Liz: -confused- What kind of girl do you take me for?

Chorus-  
Will: -really hot- Adventurous Girl  
We're husband and wife  
I'm your pirate  
And you're my only love

Liz: -teasingly- Adventurous Boy  
You already know  
That I'm all yours  
What you waiting for?

Will: -sexy man- Adventurous Girl  
You teasin' me  
You know what I want  
And I got what you need!

Jack: -coughs- "Eunuch!"

Will and Liz: -ignore-

Liz: Adventurous Boy  
Let's get to the point  
Cause we on a roll  
You ready?

(They start practicing their swordfighting again)

Will: Don't be mad, don't get mean  
Liz: Don't get mad, don't be mean

Will: Hey! (Liz nicked his shoulder)

Don't be mad, don't get mean  
Liz: Don't get mad, don't be mean

Will: Wait! I don't mean no harm  
I can see you with my white shirt on

(They set their swords to the side)

Liz: -feral grin- I can see you with nothing on!  
Clear it with me before you bring that on

Will: Bring that on...  
Liz: -innocently-You know what I mean

Will: -smirks- Girl, I'm a pirate, you shouldn't say those things...

Liz: -serious- I'm only trying to get inside your brain  
Are you jealous of Jack like the way you say?

Will: -shrugs- It's okay, it's alright  
Our love was destiny, that you'll like

Liz: Hey is that the truth about Cupid's arrow?  
Or are you a great liar like Captain Sparrow?

Will: -gaze confirms their love is true-

(Chorus)  
Will: -sex on a stick- Adventurous Girl  
We're husband and wife  
I'm your pirate  
And you're my only love!

Liz: -teasingly- Adventurous Boy  
I'm callin' your name  
But you're driving me crazy

The way you makin me wait

Will: -has a hot back- Adventurous Girl  
You're teasin' me  
You know what I want  
And I got what you need

Liz: -come hither gaze- Adventurous Boy  
_We're one in the same_  
So we don't gotta play games no more!

(End song)

Will and Liz: -walk off the stage hand in hand-

Audience: -cheers loudly-

Jack: -sighs- "Oh bugger..."

End Ch. 5

Reviews please!

This is the end of the Goofy Musical...although I might add one more song if the mood strikes me right.


	6. Welcome to Tortuga!

Ch. 6: Welcome to Tortuga!

_Epilogue – one month later_

Jack: "Ya know, William, I think ya need a vacation. From married life…"

Will: "I don't know, Jack. Elizabeth and I are perfectly happy as we are."

Jack: -ignores Will's last comment- "How 'bout you come to Tortuga with me for a few days? It would do you a world of good; trust me."

Will: "It sounds like…fun. But what about Elizabeth?"

Jack: "_How_ many times must you say that line?Don't ya worry about your wife. Just tell her you decided to go piratin' for a time. She doesn't need ta know the exact location of our destination of choice, savvy?"

Will: -reluctant- "Okayyyy…but I think she'll find out somehow. Elizabeth is smarter than one might think."

_One week later, after an uneventful voyage on the Pearl, Will and Jack dock in Tortuga. They visit Jack's favorite tavern, the Faithful Bride, and are swarmed by whores who cannot seem to get enough of Will and Jack's hotness._

Jack: "Why do I feel a song coming on?"

Will: "Maybe because I'm about to sing one."

Jack: "Ah."

_Welcome to Tortuga_, sung to Will Smith's _Welcome to Miami_

Will: -old school gangsta-

Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah!  
Tortuga, uh, uh  
Port Royal, bringin' the heat, uh  
Haha, can y'all feel that?  
Can y'all feel that?  
Jig it out, uh!

Here I am in the place where I come let go  
In Tortuga the base and the sunset low  
Everyday like a Mardi Gras, everybody party all day  
No work, all play, okay?  
So we sip a little rum, lay to rest the spill  
Me an Sparrow at the bar runnin' up a high bill

Will: -points to Jack-

Jack: -points to self-

Will:  
Nothin' less than ill, when we dress to kill  
Every time the ladies pass, they be like

Scarlett and Giselle: "Hi Will!"

Will:  
Y'all feel me? All ages and races  
Real sweet faces  
Every different nation Spanish, Haitian, Indian, Jamaican  
Black, White, Cuban, and Asian!  
I only came for two days of playin'  
But every time I come I always wind up stayin'  
This the type of town I could spend a few days in  
_Tortuga the city that keeps the roof blazin'_

Ragetti: -pops in randomly- "Literally!"

Will and Jack: -chorus-  
Party in Tortuga where the heat is on  
All night, on the beach till the break of dawn

Scarlett: Welcome to Tortuga

Giselle: -too much cleavage- Buenvenidos a Tortuga!

Will and Jack: Bouncin' in the pub where the heat is on  
All night, on the beach till the break of dawn  
Will: We're goin' to Tortuga!  
Scarlett and Giselle: -seductive- Welcome to Tortuga!  
Will: -wears a see-through white piratey shirt giving the whores and anyone else who may be looking a tantalizing peek at his smooth, muscular, and most importantly hairless chest-  
Yo I heard the hurricanes ain't nothin' to mess with  
But I can't feel a drip on the strip, it's a trip  
Ladies half-dressed, fully equipped  
And they be screamin' out,

Scarlett and Giselle: -cooing- Will, we loved your last hit!

Will: -one hot dude-  
So I'm thinkin' I'ma scoot me somethin' hot  
Tavern be called _The Faithful Bride_ is it not?  
Hottest pub in the Tortuga, and it's right on the beach  
Temperature get to ya, it's about to reach  
Five-hundred degrees  
In the Caribbean Seas, with the hot mommies  
Screamin',

Scarlett and Giselle: -fawn over Jack and Will- Aii bah-bee!

Will:  
Every time we come to town, they be spottin' us  
With Captain Sparrow, ain't no stoppin' us  
So, keep it on the low  
We flow to this fashion show  
Prostitutes anywhere you go  
Yo, ain't no city in the world like this  
An if ya need a willing wench I know ya can't miss!

Scarlett and Giselle: Tortuga!

Will and Jack: -chorus-  
Party in Tortuga where the heat is on  
All night, on the beach till the break of dawn

Scarlett: Welcome to Tortuga!

Giselle: -scantily clad- Buenvenidos a Tortuga!

Will and Jack:  
Bouncin in the pub where the heat is on  
All night, on the beach till the break of dawn

Will: We're goin' to Tortuga

Scarlett and Giselle: Welcome to Tortuga!

Will:  
Don't get me wrong, Chi-town got it goin' on  
Singapore is the city that we know don't sleep  
An we all know that London and Paris stay jiggy  
But on the sneak, Tortuga bringin' heat for real!  
Y'all don't understand  
I never seen so many Caribbean women with cinnamon tans!

Elizabeth: -shows up and slaps Will-

Will: -ouch- "I might've deserved that."

Jack: -smirks- "That's what I call ironic."

Will: -recovers nicely-  
Lizzie, this is the plan  
Take a walk on the beach, draw a heart in the sand  
Gimme your hand  
Damn, you look sexy! (woo!)

Elizabeth: -grins smugly-

Will: -still has to redeem himself-  
Let's go to the _Pearl_, by the west docks  
Drop the anchor, forget time on the clock  
Cause we gotta make time for the extended honeymoon, door be locked  
Love so pure, you can tell ours will last  
Return to Tortuga to collect Jack, come back fast  
Ain't no surprise in the pub to see James Norrington  
Tortuga, my second home

Will, Elizabeth, and Jack: -chorus-  
Party in Tortuga where the heat is on  
All night, on the beach till the break of dawn

Scarlett: Welcome to Tortuga  
Giselle: Buenvenidos a Tortuga!

Will: -ignores whores in front of Elizabeth- Will, Elizabeth, and Jack:  
Bouncin' in the pub where the heat is on  
All night, on the beach till the break of dawn  
Will: We're goin' to Tortuga  
Scarlett and Giselle: Welcome to Tortuga!

Will: -arm around Liz- Party in Tortuga where the heat is on!

_William Turner, Elizabeth Turner, Captain Jack Sparrow, and AnaMaria-Sparrow (she rejoined Jack's crew) sailed away in the Black Pearl, forever chasing the dream of freedom and the pursuit of happiness. And goofy songs._

THE END (for real)

Thanks for everyone's support!


End file.
